#eldercare #dailyeldercare #grandparents

Now There are Two..

My Nana came from a big family. There were 5 kids total! My Great Uncle Thomas was the oldest, followed by my Nana, then my Great Aunt Mary whom we lovingly called Granny, then my Great Aunt Janet and the baby, my Great Uncle Bobby. My great Aunts and Uncles are some of the greatest people I have even known. Loving, kind, caring and funny. It’s easy to see how my Nana fit into this family.

My Great Uncle Thomas passed away unexpectedly in his 50’s due to a heart attack. I was only 3 and have vague memories of me riding on his shoulders. He was a gentle giant and the sweetest, kindest brother you could ever want according to my Nana. His early death was a great loss to my family.

My Granny lived right down the street from my grandparents and she was just as involved in my life as my grandparents. Every birthday, holiday, big life achievement, birth of our children she was there. She never married and never had kids of her own. She always thought of our mother as her child and of course of my sister and I as her grandkids.

Years, I tell you what fly by with the blink of an eye! I am about to be 40 next year and I can’t even wrap my head around that fact. I mean I remember when my mom turned 40. So insane. My grandparents and my great aunts and uncles are supposed to be invincible and just live forever. I remember when my mom was sick and battling cancer she said she always hoped she would go to heaven first because she didn’t think she would be able to handle watching everyone else leave this earth. It would be too hard on her. At the time I thought she was crazy, why would you say that? As I get older and must watch my loved ones get older, and see their health decline I understand what she means!

In July of 2012 my Granny’s health really started to decline. Her heart was weak, she had had some heart attacks as well and her kidneys were failing. We decided to bring her home on hospice care and less than a week later she went to heaven. Losing her was very hard. She was my Nana’s very best friend and confident. They rode to work together for 30 years.

Watching Nana’s health decline has been the hardest one on me. She is my very best friend and has been since the day I was born. We have always had such a strong bond that is unbreakable. The love I have for her knows no bounds and I will have such a horrible void in my heart when I no longer have her here on earth. My Paw-Paw as well although right at this very moment his health is pretty good!

My Great Aunt Janet is getting older as well but so far doing ok. She has some health issues and is living in Texas now where some of her children are. It’s sad that she is not close by to my Nana but they talk on the phone when they can.

Last year my Great Aunt Wanda drove my Great Uncle Bobby down to my house so he could see my grandmother. His health was OK at that point and I am so glad that they could come. It made my Nana so happy and my Uncle as well. Unfortunately, time is never on your side.

Over the course of the last couple of months my Uncle’s health really started to decline. My Aunt kept us posted on his condition. My sister drove up to where they live so she could see him. I am glad she did because she was able to call my Nana so she could talk to him one last time. Hospice was called in for him and they kept him in the hospital, which from our experience with hospice that means they think death is imminent. Sure, enough yesterday morning my sister got the text from our Aunt that he had passed away.

My sister came over early in the morning so that we could tell our Nana in person. It was hard to have to tell her and watch the sadness come across her face. Pretty sure the stokes she has had has made it impossible for her to cry as I am sure she would have been bawling. Her face said it all.

From 5, now there are only 2 left. I think God every day for the days we have left with my grandparents and my great Aunt Janet. Time is fleeting by. To quote one of my favorite songs “Tell that Someone that You Love, just What You’re Thinking of if Tomorrow never comes.”

RIP Uncle Bobby, until we meet again at those pearly gates!

Hired Care Givers

Without hired care givers my sister and I would up the creek without a paddle. Hospice care does a lot but they don’t cover everything. We get a nurse visit once a week or if we call with a problem they can send one out. We are blessed to have a hospice provided home health aide that comes and does one change during the weekends. We knew immediately that we were going to have to hire a care giver.

It was not something I was looking forward to as I remember what a nightmare the process was with my granddaddy, my dad’s dad. Of course, a lot of our issues with the care givers were because he would be so rude to them they would just leave. He would consistently call them maid and yell and scream at them. Part of it had to do with the major stroke he had and part was that it was just his personality. I watched as my dad called agency after agency to find someone. We truly felt like we were being black listed. As soon as my dad would give his name suddenly, they didn’t have anyone available.

Fortunately, my sister is a health care social worker and knew which agencies were good and reminded me that Nana was a sweet pea and wouldn’t be any trouble to a caregiver. We get an agency to come out and talk to us. My sister and I work out a care giving schedule where we still do a bulk of the care giving to save money. Hired care is expensive and we are blessed that our grandparents worked for thirty years and got good pensions on top of their social security income. We are also blessed that our father offered to split the cost of the care for Nana with my grandfather. The first agency that we went with was ok at first and then progressively got worse. The would show up late for work without calling, not show up at all and of course the agency wouldn’t be able to send anyone else out.

One girl from this agency we had we felt like she wasn’t even changing Nana. I told my sister and in the morning while we were changing Nana we marked her diaper. Sure, enough later that evening when we were changing Nana for bed that same diaper was on her. That caregiver did nothing all day but sleep in the chair in my grandparent’s room. I was livid. I told my sister we need better care. Every time they were late or did a no call, no show I would have to step in and do what I could in between my work meetings. I reminded my sister that just because I was home all day didn’t mean that I wasn’t working. I have business meetings on skype, sometimes back to back meetings all day. I have deadlines on projects that I must meet. Super stressful!

We complained to the agency and things would get better for a bit and then the same old bad behaviors would start all over again. I was at my limit when Nana ended up going back to the hospital and then we had her do a stint in rehab because they felt like we would be able to get her to where she could stand and pivot. Which would be life changing for Nana because previously she was completely bed ridden.

When it was getting time for Nana to come home from rehab I told my sister we had to change agencies. I was done and she agreed with me. She found another agency and they came out to meet with us and we went over the type of care we needed. While still expensive they were a bit less expensive than the previous agency. This is when our angel came into our lives. We are blessed to have her everyday but Thursday’s. She is so attentive to my Nana and even looks out for Paw-Paw. My grandparents love her to pieces. Their faces light up when she walks into their room in the mornings. She even gets my Paw-Paw’s sometimes grumpy humor and gives it back to him. Nana loves her because she knows what she needs before she has to ask for it. If she notices something about Nana or a rash or anything she is quick to let us know about it.

When I am in meetings and cannot pop over when the hospice nurse does her visit, she makes sure to get Nana’s med order and supplies in. She will even text me from the other room to see if there is anything else we need. She has quickly become part of our family and we love her dearly! We are so blessed!

Do you have any hired care giver horror stories or a caregiver that you absolutely adore? Let us know! Share your store in the comments below!! Looking forward to reading them!

Caregivers Need Breaks

Sometimes a deal isn’t a good deal but it does the trick!

You may have noticed no blog posts over the weekend. That is because I went away for the weekend with my little family and some of our best friends and their kids. I was sitting in the hospital with Nana on that Saturday she was discharged still reeling over the emotional roller coaster we just went through. Hospitals move at the slowest pace possible especially when you are waiting for someone to be discharged. My stress level is at an all-time high. I am dealing with the repercussions all this stress has reeked on my body, especially my stomach.

I am playing on my phone and I happen to see a Groupon deal for a motel that is right on the beach. I look at the pictures and think it’s no Ritz Carlton but it would do to just get away and be with my husband and son. So, I book it for this past weekend. I figure it would be something fun for my son’s 13^th birthday. I need to get away. A spur of the moment decision. After Nana finally comes home from the hospital and she is settled I text my best friend and tell her of the deal and ask them to come with us. Being around her and her family fills me with such joy and I know a few laughs over drinks with my best friends is exactly what I need. That and the beach. I love the beach. I love the sun on my skin, I love the warm weather, I love the sand and the sound of the waves crashing.

She books a room at the same resort and off we go to the beach Friday after work. My husband is a little leery of the “great deal” I booked for us. He says the motel looks a little sketchy. I tell him it’s just for two nights and it looks like an old Florida beach motel. I am sure it will be fine. We make great time getting to the beach. Our Waze’s app navigates us around traffic and it was pretty much smooth sailing. We stop at a restaurant to eat because we are starving. I get a juicy burger and French fries. The server sets my meal in front of me and I tell my husband how nice it is to be able to eat my dinner while it’s still hot. Typically, I have two plates of food to make at home and by the time I have cut meat up, seasoned plates and gotten drinks my food is cold.

We finish up dinner and head to the motel. The Waze app is navigating us through what looks like a rough part of town. My husband is getting nervous and I admit I am too. We get to the motel and it looks Ok. We get checked in and make it to our room. It is small, smells like smoke, and only has two double beds. My hubby immediately starts shaking his head. While he is in the restroom my son turns on the lights by the bed. He immediately spots two dead bugs on the lampshades. He mouths to me “Don’t tell Daddy” this causes us to laugh in fits of hysteria.

We finish getting settled and my hubby turns on the TV. It’s broken and does not work. He says he doesn’t think he will be able to stay. More and more laughter. I tell him to suck it up. Let’s focus on spending time together with our best friends and make the best of a bad situation. I tell him one day we will look back on this trip and laugh. He begrudgingly agrees. We get to the pool to await our friends. The show up and get settled and the boys come running to the pool.

My hubby is sitting in a chair at the pool and isn’t looking happy. My best friend says something to him and he just shoots a look. This sends us into a fit of laughter. Just what I need. My hubby and her hubby leave to go for a walk and to get us dinner. At this point we know there is no way we are getting the boys out of the pool. They come back with 3 large pizzas. This makes the boys jump out of the pool and eat. By now it’s getting late so we retire for the evening. My hubby always needs a midnight snack and takes some of the left-over pizza back to our room. I jump in our double bed and pass out. I am exhausted and I am sure those Cucumber vodkas and sparkling water drinks I was downing played a part in my exhaustion. My hubby attempts to heat up the left-over pizza in our microwave and it doesn’t work either. My son and I burst out laughing my hubby does not think it is so funny.

The next morning my hubby asks me to see if we can’t move to an ocean view room. Our room really is horrible so I tell him I will. Fortunately, there is an ocean view room available right next to our best friends. This makes him happy and was certainly worth the $20 up charge to change rooms. We get settled into our new room, tv still doesn’t work but at least we have a balcony that overlooks the beach.

This “resort” is a riot. We see clumps of people’s hair in the pool, police were called out twice, a lady fell down the stairs and the ambulance was called and they had to shut down the pool for a bit because they thought electricity was in the water! I can’t make this stuff up!

We enjoy the beach and have a good lunch at the pier. Overall it was a good weekend and my hubby settled in and made the best of it. He took the boys back to the beach to go body surfing and was throwing them in the waves. They had so much fun. We all did despite the accommodations. Fortunately, my best friend is a trooper and could laugh off the horrible “resort”. Although she did say she was picking the hotel next time.

We got up with the sun on Sunday and packed up to head back home. We had had enough and was ready to get home. It was such a needed break from everything. I was very blessed to get it!

Have you ever gone cheap on a quick weekend get-a-way and it blew up in your face? I’d love to hear about it! Leave your story in the comments below.

Health Scare Cont’d…

The Lord was Looking out for Us!

Nana promptly gets in a room in the ER. We quickly tell the nurses her history. By this time, we have it down pat. They get her hooked up to IVs, blood gets drawn and sent to the lab. They order a CT scan to check for the blockage. He heart is going in and out of a-fib, her blood pressure is low. Like not even life sustaining. A few hours later we finally get the results. She has a whopping UTI and an intestinal blockage. The ER doctor believes that they will be able to treat the blockage without having to have surgery. Which was one of our biggest fears. They get her started on IV antibiotics for her UTI and they put in an NG tube to pump out her stomach and help to correct her blockage. Every time they turn the suction on her blood pressure drops even lower. They tell us she needs to be on pressers to help keep her blood pressure up and that she will be moved to the ICU. We agree to the treatment, even if it means revoking hospice care. My sister says not to worry the treatment they are going to give Nana is not going to be invasive and even if we must drop hospice care we would be able to get back on service as part of her discharge plan due to the heart attacks she had a few days earlier.

Paw-Paw and I trust our sister’s judgement completely. She is a health care social worker so she knows all the ends and outs of navigating hospitals. We are blessed to have her. About 1 o’clock in the morning we decide to leave the hospital. Nana should be taken to ICU soon and we need sleep. We are at the front of the ER waiting on the valet to bring us the care. Suddenly someone from the hospital comes to get us. They say they need to speak with us. We go back into Nana’s room and the nurse practitioner in charge of the ICU is there, needing to speak to us.

He proceeds to tell us that Nana is critically ill and that there is no way the NG tube is going to correct her intestinal blockage. He tells us 100% she is going to need surgery but that given her weakened condition the odds of her making it out of surgery are slim to none. He said our other option is to take her back home with hospice and have them start aggressive care on her. In layman’s terms basically snow her with drugs until she passes away. We are in utter shock. The ER doctor just told us that the NG tube would probably fix her blockage. He adamantly tells us no. Her ONLY option is surgery. He will not let us have a wait and see. He tells us he will not allow her to come to his ICU unless we agree to surgery. He said she needs surgery as soon as possible. He tells us he is not going to waste the surgeon’s time if we will not agree to surgery.

These options hit us like a ton of bricks. We were not expecting something like this at all. Nana is visibly upset. Paw-Paw is standing by her bedside shaking from this news. I just sit there with no emotion at all. I cannot believe what I am hearing and I feel dead inside. My sister, who normally is so stoic and strong starts crying. He goes back over the options again and again press us for an answer. We don’t know what to do. We are stuck. We all keep changing our minds on what to do. He tells us again surgery is the only way to fix her blockage and he wouldn’t be surprised if the surgeon came in tonight or first thing in the morning to operate on her. We ultimately leave the decision up to Nana. Nana tells us she is not ready to go. That she would miss us too much. That is when I start to lose it. So, the nurse practitioner tells us from what he is hearing Nana is choosing surgery. Nana says yes if that is my only hope, even if it’s a small one. My sister and I agree. We feel it would be better to lose her on the operating table than to take her home and have her just die a painful death. We all say surgery and he leaves the room. We kiss Nana goodbye and head to the car.

We are all shaking. Now it’s 3 o’clock in the morning. My sister drops Paw-Paw and I off at my house. She tells us she will be picking us up early in the morning to get to the hospital. We wanted to make sure we saw Nana before her surgery. I get Paw-Paw tucked into bed and tell him not to worry. That everything is going to be OK. I go into my bedroom. My son is sleeping on an air mattress on our floor since my mother in law is visiting and has his room. I think he is asleep. I go into the bathroom and my husband is getting ready for work.

He knows from the look on my face things are grave. I tell him what we are facing and then break into hysteria. I feel like the air is being sucked from my lungs, I am shaking, my anxiety is coming in on my chest. My husband just looks and me with tears in his eyes and tells me that everything will be ok. I know I must get it together. I must be strong but the thought of losing my very best friend in the whole world is too much for me. I tell my hubby I must get some sleep we must be back at the hospital in a few hours. I walk toward my bed. My son was up and heard everything I told my hubby. He jumps up and wraps his arms around me and starts crying which then starts me into a crying fit as well. Eventually we calm down. I tell him to go back to bed. I lay in my bed, with my clothes still on. I am too upset and too tired to change. I sob myself to sleep screaming a prayer to Jesus.

No phone calls over night so that is a good sign. We get to the hospital and find Nana in ICU. A caseworker from hospice is there. We get into Nana’s room and she tells us the surgeon is holding off on surgery. We will wait and see. I immediately get angry. I am thinking he doesn’t want to tell her that he won’t operate on her and is just keeping us waiting in the wings. I start to raise my voice and my sister pulls me out of the room. I tell her to get him back here. I am fired up and I am going to make him tell us there is nothing he can do for her and that we just need to bring her home. My mother’s cancer doctor did this to us. Told us she was going to be fine and we were going to start another round of chemo. It wasn’t until I went to his office to try and confront him that he sent another doctor from his practice to finally tell us there was nothing more that could be done. So much emotion comes over me.

Her ICU nurse must have heard me and she stepped out of the room. She told me that the reason why the surgeon said he was waiting on surgery is that he felt it wasn’t imminent and that her belly was soft and that he felt the NG tube was going to fix her issue. We were in complete shock. We told her that the nurse practitioner last night told us that surgery would be during the night or first thing this morning. That surgery was the only way. Her ICU nurse looked at us like we were crazy. My sister tells us that the only way he would admit her to his ICU was if we agreed to surgery. I am briefly filled with relief but that is quickly replaced with more anger. That nurse practitioner lied to us. If we would have listened to him and brought Nana home that night she would have died. More than likely that night because she couldn’t maintain her blood pressure without pressers.

I tell my sister we need to immediately file a report with the ethics board on him. That was not right what he did to us. She agreed but tells me we will file a complaint after Nana is released. I agreed. Nana stays in the hospital a week and gets better. She even starts talking more than she has in 2 years. We get her back on hospice services and she comes home a lot better than when she went in. I think God for looking out for us and for guiding us with the right decision for Nana.

Another Health Scare!

Lord Give us Strength

The Thursday before the 4^th of July weekend Nana started having another cardiac event. Nothing is ever text book with Nana so usually by the time she has these events and we have reported them to hospice she is over them and back to her new normal by the time the nurse comes. This time her cardiac event started right when her hospice nurse came to visit during the week.

I was working in my office and I saw our hospice nurse walking up for her weekly visit. I usually take a break during this time so I can attend the visit. This is where she will check Nana’s vitals and ask if we have any concerns and order her supplies and medicine for the week. By the time I get over to Nana’s room her nurse is at her bedside. Nana is pale, feeling weak and sweat is rolling down her face. I tell her nurse this is what happens when she starts a cardiac event. We assume she is just going in and out of a-fib but this time around it lasts longer and Nana starts complaining of chest pain. We have one of the best hospice nurse there is and she immediately jumps into action. We start giving Nana medicine for the pain and try to calm her down. I am so glad that this event happened in front of our hospice nurse so that she could see and understand what my sister and I see sometimes. Nana gets over this event and we are thinking she had another heart attack because she was complaining of chest pain this time. Our hospice nurse orders more meds for Nana and we work out a new plan in case this happens again.

Shortly after our hospice nurse leaves Nana starts having another event. Breaking out in sweat and going in and out of a-fib. I call hospice and request a nurse to come out. Paw-Paw is freaking out and wanting to rush her to the hospital which would have been rough on Nana and they would be doing the same treatment we can do at home. They get a nurse to come out and I run to the pharmacy to pick up the nitro glycerin tablets her regular hospice nurse had ordered. My sister and her husband, also a hospice nurse makes it to the house to help calm Paw-Paw’s fears.

We give her the glycerin and more pain meds and get her calmed down. The on-call hospice nurse shows up and helps us as well. Nana has a pretty uneventful night. In the morning, I run over to check on her. She is sleeping so deeply it looks like she has passed away in her sleep. I then see her chest rising and her hand is still doing a circular motion. I gently touch her shoulder and her eyes pop open. I ask her how she is feeling and if she is in any pain. She says she is ok and not in pain. She is just tired. I let her go back to sleep.

The hospice HHA comes over and gets her cleaned up, dressed and out of the bed. When we get back from the grocery store she is sitting in her green chair. Still weak but doing ok. I give her morning pills to her and as soon as they hit her stomach she throws them up. She is keeping nothing down. I make another call to hospice and another on call nurse comes on. She checks Nana’s vitals and we give her some anti-nausea medicine, which of course she throws up as soon as it hits her stomach. I had some suppository type of anti-nausea meds we had from last time so we give her one and wait and see. She settles in and goes to sleep. The rest of the night is uneventful. She is even able to keep some water down so I am thinking the tide is turning in the right direction. Wishful thinking!

The next morning Paw-Paw fixes them each a cup of coffee. I go in a little bit later and Nana has thrown up. I sit her back up in bed, kiss her forehead and get her cleaned up. Which is hard for me to do because I cannot tolerate throw up. If I hear someone throwing up I will start throwing up as well. It’s the only thing that I cannot tolerate. I give Nana another anti-nausea suppository and soon she settles down and goes to sleep. Hospice HHA comes over and gives her a good bath, dresses her and gets her out of bed. She does ok for a bit. Keeping some food and water down.

Dinner is ready so I tell Paw-Paw let’s just give her some rice with a little bit of gravy to see if she can keep it down. As we are walking in to the living room to give it to her she starts throwing up exorcist style. Her throw up is brown and it smells like poop. My heart sinks because now I am certain she has a bowl obstruction. I recognize this symptom because my mom had the same thing from all the years she was on chemo. I take a picture of the bucket of throw up and text it to my brother-in-law. Tell him what it smells like. He said call hospice and report it that yes it probably was a bowl obstruction and that we were going to have to send her to the hospital.

Sure, enough that is what the on-call hospice doctor tells us to do. As this isn’t something they will be able to treat. I tell my Paw-Paw what is going to happen and he agrees. Nana does too so off I go to call 911. My son goes I know the drill I will go get the ambulance from the road. I change into jeans because I always freeze in hospitals. I grab my sweater and then go grab all of Nana’s meds in a cosmetic bag because I know those lists of medications are coming.

The ambulance comes, we tell them what hospital to go to. Paw-Paw and I ride with her in the ambulance and my sister meets us at the hospital. Nothing could have prepared us for the news we were about to hear. Nothing…. To be continued…

Great Grands: The Love of Their Lives

In honor of their first great grands 13^th birthday I will write about the relationship they have with him, my son. At 7:09pm on July 19^th my son came blazing into the world. My whole entire family was at the hospital. He was the first grandchild and first great grandchild and everyone was excited to meet him. My family came up a whole month early because I was convinced I would have him early. 2 weeks post my due date we finally check in the hospital to be induced.

My husband and mom were in the delivery room with me and my sister had her ear glued to the door so she could hear if he screamed. 30 minutes after he was born my family was holding him in his arms. My grandparents were in awe. They could not believe they got to hold him so soon. I remember Paw-Paw commenting on how much he looked like me as a newborn. He even did the one eye open, one eye closed thing that I did.

The first 9 months of my son’s life we lived in North Carolina and my family lived in Florida. It was brutal for them and me as well. It was hard being a new mom without my mom and my grandparents around. There were many days I would call home, crying. I was homesick. A series of unfortunate events occurred in North Carolina and I felt like God was calling me home. We moved back to Florida to get a break and rebuild. It worked out perfect because little did we know at the time that my mom was only going to live 2 more years.

Nana and Paw-Paw were just obsessed with my son as they were with me. Nana and my son formed a strong bond from the beginning. I swear his first word was Nana! She would always want to be on the phone with him. She would tell me to put the phone to his ear so she could tell him how much she loved him.

When he learned to talk the phone conversations got longer. If I tried to take him off the phone with her he would pitch a fit. It was quite hysterical. I was greatly blessed to have them in such good health that he could go to their house and spend the night. After my mom died he was such a source of joy to them. He could lift their spirits and keep the life in them.

The great grands were the next generation of children who would be blessed with great grandparents there at every stage of their life. Such a blessing and a miracle.

Watching Nana’s health decline has been hard on my son. At first it was hard for him to understand how the stroke took her personality away. Nana was always a chatty Cathy. Nana was one of his first best friends, just like she is mine. We have multiple conversations about her health. I tell him that each day we have left with her on earth is a blessing. That we cannot take for granted. So many times, he has had to see his Nana leave the house on a stretcher with me crying. So many nights he hasn’t slept and was waiting for me to get back from the hospital to get an update. My son has such a big heart and it kills me to see it broken.

I thank God that he is old enough now that he should have wonderful memories of his great grandparents. He was only 2 years old when my mom died and he has no memories of her. Just through stories that we tell him of her. I pray that he notices all the love and care my sister and I give our grandparents. If there is one thing I would like to teach my son is compassion for others and selfless care. I think he is learning. Every now and then he will make coffee and bring it to them for me. He helps with their laundry sometimes and is great at helping me to remember to give them their pills.

So tonight, my sister and her family will come over for burgers and ice cream cake. We will get Nana out of bed and into her wheelchair to sit at the head of the dining room table. Surrounded by her grandchildren and great grandchildren and we will put another memory in our memory banks.

Why won’t they listen to reason?

Nana and Paw-Paw have been living with me for going on 2 years now. With Nana’s stints in and out of the hospital and then the decision to bring her home with me on hospice, they are now mine. They spent 66 years in their little town, a town where the church is, a town where everybody knows them. A house filled to the brim with 66 years of memories and stuff! It’s a life they are not ready to give up without a fight.

There isn’t a day that goes by where Paw-Paw doesn’t make comments about them going home. In his mind, Nana is going to get better and they are going to go home. Nana believes this as well. I wish it was the case for them. I wish I could wave a magic wand and make Nana completely healed. Not because I don’t want to take care of them anymore but because I know how hard it was for them to lose their independence. They didn’t get to choose to give up their independence. The series of Nana’s health events that lead to her decline gave them no choice. This has been hard for them both to swallow.

In the beginning Paw-Paw had to go by the house and get his mail every day. I obliged him in the beginning. Every day we would drive the 30 mins to his house and to the post office and 30 mins back. All the while listening to him rant and rave about how he needed to get home, the house was a mess. It put a lot of stress on me. I even asked him if we could have his mail delivered here and that was met with a big fat NO. When I asked him why he simply said that he and Nana would be going home soon. I was getting really burned out of this daily task that we just started going every Saturday to check the mail and the house. This helped a bit but not his arguing about them going home. Now our routine is to check the mail every two weeks on Friday. He must get his PT checked at his doctor’s office in the town that he lives so it works out perfectly. He still argues about them going home but at least I only must hear it every two weeks!

Then there is the battle over his mail. He still likes to go through it but when he does he loses mail or throws out bills he thinks are junk mail. I must keep his mail hostage from him so I can ensure that everything gets paid. For a while a lot of his bills he owed nothing because for so many years prior he over paid and had credit. I used to let him sit down with me to do his bills but that drags out the process. He must look over every piece of mail, bill or junk mail. I could easily get this task done in 20 mins, with him it takes at least an hour. Eventually I learn to wait until he and Nana are asleep and knock it out then. He is at the point now that he doesn’t even really comprehend all the bills and what is owed. I reassure him all the time that I am getting them paid. They are caught up now and never late. This keeps him at ease. His short-term memory is gone. He asks me every day how we pay for the caregivers that come in to take care of Nana during the week. It’s like clockwork as soon as they show up and start getting Nana ready for the day he comes walking over into my office to ask me.

Then there is the house. I am personally ready to sell it and be done with it. It is such a source of anger and hostility with my Paw-Paw about it. He has this constant worry about it, which I completely understand. For me the quicker we cut ties with their town the better. My sister thinks we should fix it up a bit and then rent it out. I don’t want to deal with renters and neither does Paw-Paw. We bring up either option to them all the time and they say No. They still live under the dream that Nana is going to get better and they will move home. No matter how many times we tell them that isn’t possible. That they only way for them to go home would be to have a caregiver live in their spare bedroom 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. Which yes, it is a possibility but they can’t afford that type of care. As it is our father is splitting the cost of Nana’s care here. Plus, we tell them if they move back home they would be losing out on a lot of the care my sister and I can do for them. Their house is 30 minutes away. We both work full time jobs and have families of our own.

So, for now we check on the house every two weeks on Friday! Lord give me strength!!

What are some of your biggest care giving battles? The ones I just blogged about are some of mine. We would love to hear from you. Post your stories in the comment section below.

Caregiving: Not for the Weak of Heart or Stomach

Not Sure I have the Stomach for this!

Everything was hunky dory taking care of Nana. She can still feed herself, swallow her pills. It’s easy to dress her in bed. I have pill boxes for both my grandparents that I fill every Sunday so we are good for the whole week. I can get them coffee and oatmeal for breakfast and still make it in time to start work by 9am. Life is great. Until one night!

Nana hadn’t pooped in a few days. Our hospice nurse told us to push her Senna tablets on her and to also give her a suppository to get her to go. Nana has always struggled with being regular. We start this regime which caused the world’s largest blow out of all time. We had just finished dinner and I was relaxing on the couch watching TV with my family. Waiting on my sister to come over and help me change Nana and put her to bed.

Paw-Paw walks over to my side of the house with a horrible look on his face. I ask him what Is wrong and he says “Well, Nana isn’t constipated anymore.” I get up and walk over to their room with him. The second I reach their bedroom door I knew I would be walking into world war three. The stench alone was enough to cause your stomach to do flip flops. This was the most massive blow out I have ever seen in my life! Think of the worst diaper blow out your kid has ever done and then multiple that times 10, nah 100! I tell Paw-Paw and Nana not to worry. That it isn’t a big deal and that we will have Nana cleaned up soon.

My sister arrives shortly and I delicately tell her what we are about to be put up against this evening. The second she walks into the room she is immediately gagging due to the stench. It smells like a small animal crawled up inside Nana and died. Poop is everywhere, EVERYWHERE! This level of cleanup is above my skill set so I lean on my sister for direction. She tells me to go and grab a trash bag. I then put a chuck on the floor for my sister to put all the dirty wipes so we can easily wrap it up and place it in the trash bag. We glove up. We are going in, there is no turning back now!

My sister is leading this cleanup effort. I am her back up and garbage bag holder. Paw-Paw happily stands over my shoulder letting me and my sister do all the work. We get Nana rolled over and the cleanup begins. My poor sister is quietly gagging over the smell, all the time telling Nana not to worry, that it’s ok. Paw-Paw bravely looks over my shoulder and sees the mess and makes a disgusted look on his face which sends me and my sister into a fit of laughter.

We work quickly to get Nana cleaned up. My sister starts thinking about our mom. She tells us there is No way our Mom would have cleaned Nana up like this. I started laughing because it’s true. Maybe she would have but I’m not so sure. I leave the room to take the trash bag out. I mouth to my dad who is in the living room that Nana had a massive poop. He looks at me and just starts chuckling. I shoot him a look and then start laughing too. I am sure he is thinking here are my two spoiled rotten daughters, whom have never ever had to lift a finger their whole life, cleaning up their Nana.

I come back into the room and we finish cleaning Nana up. We put her on a new clean gown and she looks at us so relieved. We take the rest of the mess out of the room and then spray some Lysol to help remove some of the smell. We put the oxygen on her and kiss her goodnight. Paw-Paw gives us a big hug and kiss as well.

Therefore, I say caregiving is not for the weak of heart and in some situations stomach. I tell this story not to demean my Nana or take away some of her dignity. I tell it because this is the reality of a lot of caregivers. While there is a lot of joy, love and happy times that comes with being a caregiver it’s not all sunshine and butterflies either. There is a lot of heartache and tons of messy situations. We chose to get through it with lots of laughter because it beats the alternative of crying!

Are you a caregiver? We would love to hear about your worst clean up story and how you made it through it. Leave your story in the comments below! We’d love to hear from you!

Learning to be a Caregiver

What is this going to entail?

In the days that followed after Nana was brought to my house on hospice care was quite a learning experience for me. My only other experience with hospice care was when we brought our mom home on it. I naively thought we would have around the clock care covered by hospice. My sister was quick to correct me in that belief.

We would have a nurse that comes out once a week to check on Nana. Order us supplies and her meds. We would still have to be responsible to ensure she takes her meds, eats, gets bathed and of course have her diapers changed. The diaper changing, at first threw me for a loop. I told my sister I have no idea how to change an adult diaper. It’s not like changing a baby’s diaper where you can just lift their legs! My sister said, very matter of flatly, that she did not know either but that the hospice nurse would teach us.

My sister’s grace and confidence really pulled me through these first couple of days. I was very overwhelmed and had no confidence I would be able to do it. My sister lifted me up and gave me encouragement. It helped and sure enough, after a few days we were really getting the hang of it.

We also had to figure out how we were going to get care for Nana during the week. Both my sister and I work full time jobs and we have young children. We sit down with my Paw-Paw and our dad to discuss this. My sister said we needed an in-home health agency to come in. My sister tells us this is going to be a bit costly. My sister suggests that we can cover some morning times and of course the evening time. This will help keep some cost down. I agree and we work out a schedule. My dad graciously agrees to pay for half of Nana’s care to help my grandparents out. The love and selflessness of my daddy knows no bounds. These are my mom’s parents, not his.

We get an agency in and off we go. It was tricky to adjust to our new normal but we did it. It helps I can work remotely from home and that my sister only lives 1.5 miles away from me. Every Monday, Wednesday and Friday she comes over before work and we change Nana. Then every night, 7 days a week she comes over and helps me put her to bed. Yes, we sacrifice a lot to be able to take care of them. I don’t know many grandkids who would be willing to take care of their grandparents like my sister and I do. We both feel like it is an honor and a privilege to be able to care for them. Our grandparents are good people. They have been married for 66 years and they have been a part of our lives since the day my sister and I were born. In all my 39 years on earth I cannot recall a time when they were not there. Holiday’s, birthday’s, going back to school clothes shopping, family vacations, high school graduations, college graduations, birth of our children. There wasn’t one moment in our lives they missed! Even when I moved to North Carolina in my early twenties we were still close. I would call Nana every day. One of our favorite tv shows back then was Frasier. I would call them on the phone and we would watch the show together. Catching up during the TV commercials. My grandparents are truly my best friends. It’s not fair to them that they lost their ONLY child to cancer. They had to sit and watch my mom die lying in a hospice bed. They had to watch her take her last breath. No parent should ever have to watch their child die. Its heart wrenching but they got through it with love and grace. There literally isn’t anything my sister and I wouldn’t do for them.

Nana’s Final Homecoming…

There’s No Place Like Home

Or so we thought! By the time I got to the rehab center my sister had a hospice consult setup to come out. Nana looked like she was barely hanging on. We didn’t even know if she would make it home on hospice. Getting her admitted to hospice was easy, given Nana’s condition. We decide that she will be taken home on hospice to my house. Paw-Paw was a little hesitant but once we explained all the care we were going to have to give Nana he realized it was for the best. Filling out that hospice paperwork was heart wrenching for us. We had to sign a DNR and agree to stop her Warfarin. My sister and I agonized over this decision. Is this really what we should do? Should we just send her back to the hospital? We ultimately agree, with Paw-Paw that this is the right decision. Bring her home and take care of and love on her for her remaining time on earth.

My sister left the rehab center so that she could make sure all the equipment we would need for Nana would be setup and ready to go. I also think she needed a quick reprieve from the current situation. It was so sad and overwhelming to see what was once such a strong woman, weak and on her death bed. A woman whom we love more than life itself!

I stay back with Paw-Paw to ensure he is ok and to see that Nana gets picked up. At this point in time we are thinking maybe we have a few days to a week left with Nana. My sister makes sure all the kids are at my house when Nana arrives. We get her in the house and in the hospital bed hospice has provided. We flood the tiny room to be with her. Paw-Paw is in there, me and my sister, our three kids, our husbands, even our Daddy comes in.

Suddenly Nana starts to wake up and stay awake! She is smiling so big because she is home and surrounded by her loved ones. We put the kids front and center. They adore their Nana, especially my son. He is the oldest great grand and they have had such a bond since the day he was born. Much like the bond I have with her. She is holding up her weak little arms, asking for hugs from them. They greatly oblige. It really was a miracle. This was the most she has given us in over a week. We stay in the room with her to well past 10:00pm. We don’t want to leave her. My sister and I walk out of the room and I tell her that it is so amazing that Nana is bouncing back. My sister looks at me with tears in her eyes and said this could just be a rally. I looked at her confused. She explained that a rally is when someone is on their death bed they rally back so they can say goodbye, right before they pass.

We go back in the room and start tucking Nana and Paw-Paw in bed. It is getting late and the kids are getting tired. We give Nana a hug and a kiss, tell her we love her and that we will see her in the morning. That was the hardest thing we ever had to do. We both thought she was going to pass away in her sleep. We really thought she had just given us a rally.

I woke up early the next morning. I wanted to get up before my son. My son has such a close and strong bond with my grandparents. I have caught him multiple mornings up before me and in their room talking to them. My biggest fear is that he will run to do that and find his Nana dead. Fortunately, this morning he is still asleep. I start walking toward their room. I say a little prayer and walk in. Nana is still sleeping and I gently touch her shoulder. She wakes up and gives me the biggest grin and says good morning darling! The color is back in her face, her hands are warm. I ask her if I can bring her anything and she asked for a cup of coffee. Paw-Paw chimes up from his bed that he will take a cup as well.

Over the course of the next couple of days and weeks Nana gets a bit stronger. She is staying awake more and isn’t in any pain. It truly was a miracle. It is also when we realize the true extent of the care she is going to need. At this point she is completely bed bound and incontinent. The strokes she had left her pretty much paralyzed on her right side. She can still use her right arm a bit but not her legs. Paw-Paw starts asking my sister and I when we can get Nana home. In his eyes, she is getting better. We tell Paw-Paw that them being able to go back home is no longer an option. Nana needs around the clock care. Its care that he cannot give her. This hits him like a ton of bricks. Remember a few blog posts ago I mentioned that I had prayed to God to make my grandparents realize that they needed to move in with me? Well, Nana always said to be careful what you prayed for. Yes, I wanted them to move in with me so I could take care of them but I didn’t mean for it to be with Nana in the condition that she is in. I wanted it to be before her UTI and strokes. Where she could still get around and we could continue to go places. I should have known that the only way they would have agreed to move in is if one of them could no longer take care of themselves or each other.