And the Journey Continues…

We head back to the hospital with high hopes. We get to Nana’s room in the ICU and she is awake, off the ventilator. It’s a miracle. She is still weak and not saying much but she is slowly getting better. As the days go by she gets stronger and stronger. Moved from ICU to CCU to a regular hospital floor. In the days that followed we realize the impact the strokes she had, had on her. Her big, bright, bubbly personality is gone. A woman who would once dominate the entire conversation. A woman who would ensure to get everyone’s life store, was gone. Nana just sat there, quiet. Now, she remembered all of us. She could tell you our names and how we are related to her, even the great grands. If you asked her a question she would answer, usually one word. Sometimes struggling to find what that word would be. This was hard for us. She eventually gets released from the hospital. We decide to send her back to rehab. I mean she made a full recovery after her heart attack, why not again?

I take Paw-Paw on a Saturday to the rehab center to see Nana. My cousin had been up there sitting with her. When we got to the rehab center something was off with Nana. She was real groggy and she wouldn’t wake up. I felt her forehead and she was burning up. I asked my cousin to run and grab the nurse. I call my sister. I tell her what is going on. She tells me that Nana’s UTI might be flaring up again and to call 911 and get her back to the hospital since there were no doctors on staff at the rehab center. The ambulance comes and back we go to the hospital. Once in the ER, hooked up to all the monitors I can see that she is going in and out of a-fib. Her heart rate is all over the place. Blood is drawn and tests are taken.

My sister shows up at the hospital. Paw-Paw and I breathe a sigh of relief. She is always our saving grace!! According to initial reports it appears Nana had more stokes and maybe even another heart attack. The hospital she was taken to was just an urgent care type of hospital. She was transferred to a hospital downtown, per my sisters’ direction because they are known for being the best in the area for cardiac issues and strokes.

Here starts the daily carpool to take Paw-Paw back and forth to the hospital to be with Nana. I take him in the mornings and my sister picks him up. This time around on the weekends we decide to each take a day. I took Saturday where I would take Paw-Paw and pick him up. My sister took Sunday’s. This way we each got one full weekend day off. Nana is at this hospital for about 3 weeks. Doctors say her strokes are just going to keep happening. They recommend stopping her Warfarin for fear she might have a stroke and bleed out. They say it isn’t going to help her anyways.

Her discharge plan is back to the rehab center. I take a trip with my family to North Carolina to see our family up there. It was a nice break from things. Nana is at the rehab center one full day when we start the trip back home to Florida. My sister gets a call from the rehab center. They tell her they don’t think Nana will be able to rehab because she is not staying awake long enough. My sister knows what this means but she keeps it to herself. She calls and tells me. She gets to the rehab center and talks to the social worker there. She sees the condition Nana is in. She will hardly wake up, she drifts off into this deep sleep that not even a sternum rub will wake her. It’s time for hospice.

My sister calls me while I am on the road. My hubby is driving. She says we probably don’t have much time left with Nana and that we should call in hospice care. My heart breaks. I start sobbing. My sister is crying. I tell her if she thinks that is best then I agree. She gets it setup and I continue our trip back home crying all the way.

Answer to prayers??

Some times prayers get answered, just not always in the means that you meant.

Well not exactly! The next morning Paw-Paw comes to get me. He says Nana is sitting in her wheelchair and he can’t wake her up. I walk back over to their room with him and sure enough Nana is in her wheelchair, still breathing but non-responsive. I try for a few minutes to get her to wake up. Nothing. I call my sister, who had already left to work to tell her what was going on. She tells me to keep trying to wake her up and she will send my brother-in-law over. He is a nurse and has been a saving grace to our family. In more ways than I can count! He comes over and accesses her and tells me to call the ambulance. Her blood pressure is super low!

I send my son to the end of the drive way so that the ambulance can make it to the right house. They come in and she is rushed to the hospital. By this time my sister had already made it back to my house. She rides in the ambulance with Paw-Paw and I follow behind in my car. She is way more medical than I so we decided it was best for her to go with Nana. I check in at the ER and sit in the waiting room. Only two people can be back with her at a time. I am in tears and I am praying. Not more than 10 minutes later a lady comes out and calls for me. She is bringing me back. I immediately get chills and this sickness comes over my stomach. I just knew the news I was about to receive wasn’t going to be good. She takes me to a little room where my Paw-Paw and sister were. The expression on my sister’s face says it all. Paw-Paw is quiet with a look of confusion on his face.

The ER doctor comes into the room and he tells us that he is afraid, based on the symptoms she is presenting that she has had a brain stem stroke! I immediately drop to the ground because my legs collapse underneath me and I start whaling, screaming in hysteria. My sister grabs me and wraps her arms around me. How she could keep it together and start drilling the doctor for answers I will never know. She was frantically searching for some glimmer of hope.

Finally, some test results come in. She did have a stroke but it wasn’t a brain stem stroke. Her blood test revealed a UTI infection that started to go septic, which more than likely is what cause her to go nonresponsive. She gets moved to the ICU, back on a ventilator, tubes and IV’s everywhere. Right now, we are in a wait and see state. They are pushing the IV antibiotics to treat her UTI in hopes that she will wake up and come back to us.

Paw-Paw and I stay the night with her in the ICU. I couldn’t leave her. What if she woke up, even if just for a second and I wasn’t there? She would have been so scared. My sister comes early the next morning to make Paw-Paw and I go home and get some rest. Reluctantly we agree. After a half a day break from the hospital, Paw-Paw and I head back up. She is still nonresponsive but her vitals are looking pretty good. Paw-Paw and I grab hands over Nana’s bed and we pray. We pray like we have never prayed before. Her ICU nurse recommends that we play Nana some music. That might make her wake up if she hears something familiar to her. Her favorite music is gospel. I ask Paw-Paw to name some songs to play for her. We played “Old Rugged Cross”, “Victory in Jesus”. Through teary eyes Paw-Paw and I sing the songs to her. We are desperate for a miracle. We are not ready to lose her yet. Suddenly she starts to stir and move her head. I run and grab her nurse to tell her that she is waking up. The nurse comes in and starts wiggling her toes, Nana stirs some more. I rush to her bedside and grab her hand. Nana, Nana I say. Please wake up Nana. For a brief, second, she opens her eyes and sets them on mine. I call for Paw-Paw to come by her bed. I tell him to talk to her. He does and again she briefly opens her eyes and looks at him. Our prayers have been answered, she is waking up!

The ICU nurse is quick to caution our excitement. She said the next 24 hours will be crucial. She boots us out so Nana can rest and tells us to come back in the morning. We listened and left.   I took Paw-Paw back home with me. He barely fought me this time.

Home Sweet Home

Nana was released from the rehab center after having made a full recovery. In fact, she was even steadier on her feet with her walker than before her heart attack! I tried one more time to persuade them to move in with me. I talked about being able to see me and my sister every day and even added in the golden token, our children! They adore their great grandkids but No, they wanted to go home. With my sister being in the social worker field I begged her for ways to forcefully make them move in with me. Half joking because I knew that, now, they were probably OK to go home. It just made me nervous.

To help relieve some of my anxiety we decided to come around to their house more often. Have them come over to our house more often on the weekends. We also got them pill cases so we could fill them up each week. We ensured they would loop us in on doctor’s appointments. Even with all these agreed upon safety measures it made me nervous. But like my sister told me, now we have no right to take their independence away from them.

The first few days home went ok. I called them every day. I asked what they ate for breakfast, for lunch and for dinner. Did you remember to take your pills? Fortunately, my sister was working a job where she would see patients/clients in the area where my grandparents lived so she could pop in on them. Nana and Paw-Paw’s house could be flooding and they would tell you they were fine!

During one visit with them my sister noticed a cast iron pot sitting on the stove that had some really badly burnt food in it. She asked my Nana about it and she said Paw-Paw had put on a pot of beans for dinner, on their gas stove, and forgot about them. Nana only caught it because she smelled something burning and alerted Paw-Paw about it. Then another visit Nana got confused about their medicine. They stopped using the pill cases we got them, they never used them before why should they use them now? She couldn’t remember if she had taken her prednisone so she took some more. My sister counted the pills and realized she did take them and now she had just doubled her dose.

Again more pleas for them to move in with me. Again more tears and again more No’s. One time Nana called me in a panic because Paw-Paw’s drug prescription plan had been cancelled due to non-payment. She tried calling the insurance company to straighten it out but it was a lost cause. I drove over to their house to see if I could call and help. I got the same answer as Nana so we would just have to wait and re-enroll Paw-Paw when open enrollment came around. Made me wonder how many other bills he was forgetting to pay!

One morning my sister called me in a panic. She had taken Nana the day before to her cardiologist appointment and they put Nana on a heart monitor overnight. It needed to be returned to the doctor’s office the next day and she had forgotten that she had early meetings. I told her not to worry. After I took my son to school I would run over there, get it and then drop it off.

I get to Nana and Paw-Paw’s house and Nana is in her recliner clutching her chest. I ask her what is wrong and she says she has been having chest pain since 4am. Paw-Paw chimes in, I tried to tell her we should go back to the hospital but she declined. I immediately think she is having another heart attack. I call my sister since Nana is refusing me to call the ambulance. Heather is insistent that we head to the hospital. Nana agrees but only if we go in their car. So, I load them up and off we go.

Fortunately, it ends up being nerve pain in her neck and shoulder area. EKG’s come back great so it wasn’t another heart attack. They keep her overnight for observation. I make Paw-Paw pack a bag and have him spend the night with me. A promise of a strong Chivas and soda and a good dinner makes him agree. Nana gets released from the hospital the next day. She is extremely loopy and out of it from all the pain meds they gave her in the hospital. I tell them that they really need to stay with me, at least for a few days till Nana is over feeling so tired and loopy. I was worried about her falling and felt like I needed to be able to monitor her. By some miracle they agreed so I brought them home with me. Only for a few days they said, and then they were going back home!

I got them tucked into bed that night. Their sweet faces smiling at me as I am tucking them in. Nana grabs my hand and tells me that she loves me and that she and Paw-Paw appreciate all the love and care we have been giving them. Nana said she didn’t know what she would do without me and my sister. I gave them each a kiss and said goodnight. That night when I went to bed I said a prayer. Dear Lord, please make Nana and Paw-Paw see that they can no longer live by themselves. Please help them to see that they are so wanted by me and help me to get them to agree to move in with me. I said Amen and then drifted off to sleep.

It Takes a Village…

Literally it does! My grandparents, begrudgingly moved in with me, simply because I had the space. My dad saw this event becoming reality way before I ever did. In fact, after my cousin moved out my dad made the statement about getting the bedroom setup for my grandparents. I looked at my dad like he was crazy. He said they will be moved in here before you know it.

Yes, it is true, after my mother died, my grandparents seriously aged 10 years. Her death really took a toll on them. It did all of us. They have always been extremely independent and quiet about their business. My sister and I tried multiple times to jump in and help them but they would always politely decline. Eventually they allowed us to drive them to doctor’s appointments if they were in downtown. At least they gave us that!

January 1st, 2016 Nana had a heart attack! It happened at about 4am. My Paw-Paw called the ambulance and she was rushed to the hospital. He called me about 8am New Year’s Day to let me know they were still in the ER. He was a bit confused and said they had tubes in her. Very scary. I told him not to worry that I was on my way. I immediately called my sister. I told her what Paw-Paw had said and she was like “Is she on a ventilator?” I said I don’t know but that I was on my way to the hospital. She was 30 mins behind me, she had to feed the baby.

Sure, enough when I get to the ER they are moving Nana to the ICU and she was on a breathing machine. My sister had made it to the hospital and goes into full social worker mode. I truly thank God, every day that she chose that profession and is so intimately aware of hospitals and how they work. I tend to lose it in stressful situations so even though I am the older sister I let her take charge!

To make a long story short Nana fully recovered from her heart attack. It was a miracle and a very long road to recovery. We made Paw-Paw move in with me. He fought it but then eventually agreed. He had no choice! The drive to the hospital Nana was moved to was too far for him to drive every day. He wouldn’t eat or take his medicine. Nana was always the one who doled out their medicines. Paw-Paw just loses it when there is something wrong with Nana. Thankful Nana could tell him it was for the best!

While she was at that hospital, my sister and I carted Paw-Paw back and forth every single day. I would drop him off in the mornings and she would pick him up. If I remember correctly she spent 6 weeks in that hospital. Then did a 3-month stint in a rehab to regain her strength. Again, we dropped off and picked him up every single day.

My anxiety started kicking in about the time Nana was getting ready to be released from the rehab. I know they were wanting to go back to their home but I strongly felt like now was the time that they move in with me. It made perfect sense. I could help manage their meds, take them to doctor’s appointments. My sister lives 1.5 miles away from me so she would be better able to help as well. My tear-filled pleas were futile. They both appreciated the concern but they were going home. To their home…

Welcome

If you were to tell me 2 years ago that at the age of 37 I would be actively involved in the day to day care of my grandparents, I would have told you, you were crazy! But here I am, 2 years later with both my grandparents moved in.

I never really thought I would have this much responsibility in my mid-thirties. When my only child of a mother died 10 years ago, the thought of who would take care of my grandparents did cross my mind but it faded quick in my grief. I could barely think of how I was going to go on after her death, let alone my grandparents.

I wanted to start this blog in hopes that it might help someone else who is going through the same situation as me. After doing this for 2 years now I consider myself a pro, but I do get curve balls thrown at me every now and again. I look forward to sharing stories with you and hearing your stories as well.

My rules are as follows:

  1. Be kind and supportive of one another. Trolls will be blocked from my site
  2. There are no dumb questions. Navigating Care for elders can be tricky!

 

Thanks for reading and I look forward to growing the #dailyeldercare community. I hope you will be a part of it!